This shirt, let me buy it for you

But you wouldn't really wear it, would you? Maybe as an ironic gesture? To acquire sexual partners?

Operation the game freaks me out

Looks harmless, right? Oh pee, he kind of looks like a morbidly obese H1tler. Or maybe a Marx brother? What are you Mr.Operation guy?

Back to the inherent creepiness and horror that is Operation. First let me say that I like my games to not possibly shock and or startle me. Remember I have a strong
startle reflex and the few people who have 'snuck' up on me got harmed. Those are all the details I can divulge at this time regarding the harming, lawyers and cases pending and so forth.

Hey did I tell you I got myself a shark knife for Christmas? I need a special sheath made so that I can carry it around and cut things open, should the need arise. Check his little row of bone crunching teeth. Awww, so cute!




My daughter like most children of the world, even the ones who speak a dialect of tongue clicks love SpongeBob. So Santa, that wiley bastard brought Operation SpongeBob. Shudder. Being a Mother is one of the things I do best, unfortunately the pay sucks but, shaping little humans is what I do best. Bwahaha. So when she wanted me to play this, abomination with her, who was I to say no? Its a simple childs game. A game where you are, without proper medical training entrusted to taking out irregularly shaped innards and there are sparks and loud noises. Fun! My kind of game is Scrabble. I play it all the time. Scrabble, nice little squares and words to make!

SpongeBob is the eternal innocent. My daughter is a pro at this and besides her mountain of toys, she also received a first aid kit because she loves to wrap anything that can't get away quick enough up to 'fix' them.

Then, it was my turn. I forced a smile and cursed Santa. My hands only shook mildly and I got the first one out. WHEW. My daughter took her turn and aced it. Then it came my turn. I had to do some kind of brain surgery and it was all down hill from there. I screamed the noise was so loud when I touched the side. I saw sparks. My dog came running to me like I had been harmed or I had a meat product to give to her. The game continued as I sucked down my fear and loathing of this game.

Finally. The last organ was out. I told my daughter that we both won when she started gloating about how much Operation dough she had acquired. Then, I left the room, for a quieter place, without zips and zaps and SpongeBob.

I hope your Christmas was quiet much loved troopages. I lit a candle for you.

I am going to enjoy some egg nog (last night I had half a glass and fell asleep, thats how you party when you are 37) and read some of the tasty books I got.

Merry Christmas, truly. Next year, may yours be spent with the ones you love and far far from war and Operation games.

World War Z, winter training

Dear Troops,

The East East coast got a bunch of snow. I say, use weather emergencies to practice for the inevitable world war Z.

A) Freezing temperatures slow down zombies, frozen zombies = zombie popsicle
B) Snow as a natural barrier
C) You are stocked up and stuck at home. Time to rally the kids for some zombie drills!

Drills:
Build a truncheon, I read something about it being the best. Build snow zombies. If you have children, I am all for child labor. Safety first!


So, you have your snow zombies. Feel free to add some blood, fake is okay, I guess. Not everyone has a few pints of their blood type in the fridge, I guess.

If you have seen every zombie movie made in the entire world. You will have learned some things. First is that George Romero is a visionary. Also, that we WANT his vision of zombies to be true. Slow moving zombies.

Take turns whacking the heads off the snow zombies. They wont mind! Give family members tips on severing the brain stem.

Yes, Christmas is looming. It is terrifying out there. I was forced to go to the mall and it was awful. I had to go to a particular store because I was tasked with getting a female relative fancy smelly stuff from a store that every mall in the world has.

After being smashed into by atleast 5 overly caffeinated unaware consumers, I decided it was time to have my elbows out. I made my purchase and crawled like I was going underneath barb wire, out to the parking lot where my companion on this hellish foray swung the mighty PT Cruiser curbside and without stopping, I leapt into the vehicle and we were gone.

Its harrowing out there.

But, I guess you all understand harrowing.

Be careful, look out for each other and watch for zombies.

With gratitude and survivor mentality,

Rose

Which volunteer position to take a local VA?

I have many skills, none of them are profitable, besides writing. But thats another story for another day.

I want to connect with soldiering types who are getting services at the local VA.

The most appealing position so far is golf cart driver. I love golf carts, isn't it a shame I don't play golf? Not really, golf carts are very big in retirement communities. I have about 30 more years till then, God willing.

However, I could also do this:

Amenity Relief

Assist and support nursing staff on inpatient units by providing amenities and special attention to patients as needed. Open hours.

Van Drivers

Help drive outpatients receiving chemotherapy, dialysis, radiation therapy, and other outpatient appointments. To fill this role, you must have a current driver’s license, automobile insurance, and pass a physical examination. Hours are
7:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. (dependent upon van/site location).

What position best suits my natural amusing personality, where I can provide hope and a reach around?

Solution: Delivering amenities via golf cart!

That Rose, always thinking.

Christmas Is A Dog From Hell

Dear Troops,

I hope you are keeping your head down and finding something to smirk, smile and laugh about - wherever you are.



Do you know the writer Charles Bukowski? He wrote the book 'Love Is A Dog From Hell.' You gotta love the title. A rake, a scoundrel, an extroardinary fellow all around.



This post has nothing to do with him.

As the frenzy of Christmas rises to a fevered Gregorian chant ala scary movie - I find that I am more excited about the less commercial aspects of Christmas.

For example, Christmas Cookies:



Please note, none of my cookies look like the above. My decorating skills are minimal. Not great to look at but tasty. Which can probably be said for any number of people. Bwahaha.

Complaining about the weather is another Christmas thing I enjoy doing. Usually people around here in the state shaped like a mitten are very concerned about whether or not there will be a WHITE Christmas. Like the g.d. song. We have had a taste of almost all of winters offerings in the past week. Below zero temps, snow, sleet, crazy wind causing power outages, rain sleet and slush.

Thats pretty much all you need unless you are a completist. Which would include full on blizzard, black ice and ice covered everything for a long period of time.

Here is what happens when ice covers trees, they get heavy and bend and all night you hear limbs and trees falling. Its beautiful but horrible.



For the past 20 years or so, it hasn't bothered me, but this winter, after I got a taste of my future home state of California, I flipping loathe the winter.

I even bought an electric blanket. This from someone who is a okay in short sleeves down to 25-30. Obviously I need more layers of fat.

Nah.

So, Christmas cookies and complaining about the weather. There is also loathing making out Christmas cards and being anti celebrating the New Year.

Each day my friends, should be looked upon as a New Year. We made it through the night, hallelujah. How can we make this day good or better then good?

Today I scrubbed my daughters room, re arranged furniture. All the while a Christmas cookie candle burned. The Christmas tree sent out its sweet scent and it got up to 30!

I can't complain, even when I do, these are all first world problems. The people who live me through all my ugly are here.

And here is a Christmas wish that this war will be over and that your deployments will be done and you will be home and have the opportunity to complain about Christmas.

I send out prayers and demands, safe safe safe, home home home.

Love and bah humbugs!

Rose

Getting a Christmas Tree

Dearest Troops, is it hand warmers, gloves, insulated boots, snowsuits, toque time where you are? It sure as heck is here. However, somene who is not me got the idea to get a Christmas tree.

Oh, the heady days of youth, when we would drive and drive and bicker and drive way out to the Christmas tree farm. Then we would come to blows over which tree to hack down. Not really. Well, mostly not really.

Clarrrrrrk!




This was after our brief dalliance with a live tree, that we watched slowly but thoroughly die over the months. Best m.o. get one thats already dead and smelling good!




It suddenly became winter yesterday here in southern Michigan. 28 was the high and by the time the Nutcracker got out, it dropped to 25. Ie: A bit nippley out, aka freezing my balls off. Mind you, I don't have balls, but have heard from menfolk about the legend of the frozen balls. Why am I going on about testicles? It might be the holiday cheer aka wine! Ho Ho Ho!




So, we went to the Airstream trailer with the trees all around it. The place we have been going for years. Besides the friendly staff you get a shot of peppermint schnapps or hot damn with purchase. I bet if anyone wandered into the airstream they would get a shot. Shots for everyone.


I am the tree whisperer. I home in, consider a few and then, there she is. Thee tree. Somehow I get the perfect height.



My work is done.

Time for fun.



The house smells good. The tree will be taken down and woodchipped for the trails in the park.

Love,

Rose

p.s. This has nothing to do with getting a Christmas Tree, but I love cousin Eddie.




This is mother f'n commitment my friends!

In the military, Strain Meets Resolve

Hello troopages, I thought this article in the NY Times might be of interest.

Its December first... And they are off! Hardcore shoppers, women who don their hideous Christmas sweaters and cardigans, with rudolphs frolicking and snowmen galore are out looking
for THAT PERFECT GIFT. Come hell or Walmart suffering a blackout.

I have made my list and you are all on the Nice list this year. Don't push it!

But seriously, I have made my list and all are thoughtful gifts for the people I love.

I bought a camo bandana that I keep by my computer, it keeps me constantly reminded of you, people doing hard work in a non friendly place. I send out prayers and demands as always and look forward to seeing everyone come home.

But it is an adventure, too. I am not saying it is a guided tour of Thailands temples complete with monkeys trying to steal your wallets, just that its an experience that you will tell your grandchildren about.

I remember my Dad and the bits and pieces he told us about the Korean War. They live with me forever and I can tell my kids that their grandfather opted for the Army instead of jail a long time ago and was a corporal radio man.

Stories. More stories.

I hope someone will bring me back some sand. Anyone?

Giving Thanks

You are wonderful. You bring light to the dark and you do it with grim determination and a good sense of humor. Many people depend on you and you keep going. Its tough as hell and boring at times and hot and cold and the people you love are far away.

You keep doing it. Moving forward.

You are amazing. From all the way over here, I can tell you are amazing. You are so awesome that your awesomeness glows. Thats how awesome you are.

I am thankful for your service. However you spent your Thanksgiving. Just think, you didn't have to deal with the relatives that you just can't seem to like. You love them, but you don't like them.

Thats okay awesome one. That is part of being human.

Thank you Thank You Thank You.

First world problems with Rose

Coming home from getting my daughters holiday photos taken with her tiny cousin, we were stopped for a long long time as hordes of people dressed in University of Michigan or Ohio state colors converged upon us. The stadium holds almost as many people as the entire city I live in.

I don't know about you but hundreds of people milling around my car makes me nervous.

Then I thought of you, the collective you, troops out there making those second to second decisions that change lives and I calmed the hell down.

Still, people milling, getting close.

I have determined that my 'personal space' is approximately 2 football fields. Its getting better as I get older.

More first world news!

I eat a very lean and mean diet. Fresh organic vegetables, fish, chicken, ICED TEA WITH EXTRA LEMON. However, tonight I got a craving so deep that I had to go through the drive through of a certain place that starts with M.

I was raised polite and I simply like being nice to everyone. I also speak clearly because I know that the radio comm might suck. Very clearly I stated my order. I read the order and then I did not get one thing that I ordered, outside of a lukewarm McFish or whatever they are called.

My teenager, thought it was hilarious and insisted I not go back around.

I got sweetened tea - UGH, this is Michigan people, the default is unsweetened. I ordered a large value meal because I wanted the g.d. glass, NO GLASS. Repeat, no glass. No pumpkin pie. Apple pie. My son got a oreo mcflurry.

So huzzah.

I came home to drink my woes away and guess what? The water cooler is empty! No glub glub of delicious cold water.

My teenager VOLUNTEERED to go get me some Smart Water (its gotta work some day - I WILL understand math) and almonds.

Peace is restored. I am not full of crapacola. All is well.

Tomorrow is pretend Thanksgiving. I will put on my purple tights (just the tights, nothing else) and go to my Moms for the annual eating of the bird. My little vegetarians will carb overload on mashed potatoes.

Silently, I will do what I try to do everyday. Make lists of what I am grateful for.

I am grateful that I had the idea to make this blog. Even though I flail about, I hope my sincerity and concern comes through

I am grateful that it seems that the g.d. war is winding down.

I am grateful that there are more programs in place to help with the wounds inside, PTSD for example. I grew up with shattered Vietnam vets.

I am grateful that you get up every morning or night, wearing your uniforms and doing your jobs. I pray to whatever Gods are listening that you all come back whole.

Also, when you come back, make sure your order is correct before you drive away! Do NOT let them give you sweet tea if you want unsweetened tea!

Filling out g.d. Customs Declaration Form Help

Praise Jeebus, Good Goddess, Lakshmi, Oprah and whomever else lead me to this site. The hardest part about sending care packages to the much cared for troops is the form. I get all college exam-y about it and need easy to follow directions. I found them here:

Skip Cares And Makes Things Easy Peasy